It worked well with Winter...

Dear Common Cold;

I know you are more responsive to confrontations but me being rather passive would prefer sending you a letter explaining my current feelings towards you than attack the problem head on.

See, the thing is, you're really starting to piss me off. I'm feeling rather razzed; miffed if you will. You've really rubbed me the wrong way. You have to understand, I don't get mad easily, Common Cold, so it takes a lot for me to get this angry. But my blood is boiling.

You need to leave. You have far past overstayed your welcome and it's becoming ridiculous. I know you don't have a home to go to but dude, there has to be another life you can invade. You're cramping my style, man. You're really making it difficult for me to live my life as I would like. I always feel as though I need to tend to your needs first and, frankly, I'm not okay with that.

At first, I was alright with your impending visit. I knew you were coming. There were warning signs and I hadn't seen you in a while. A long while. 2 years I think. So, while I didn't necessarily welcome you with open arms, I didn't fight your visit. I would liken it to what a visit from the inlaws must be like. You can only put it off for so long but it has to happen eventually, and then you're going to be forced to grin and bare it. Well, I've grinned, Common Cold, I've bared, and I've also coughed, moaned, slept, and spent more time with you than I would care to spend with anyone.

Not to mention, Common Cold, you are the worst guest I've ever had! Your stuff is everywhere. In every nook and cranny there is evidence of your stay. You are rude, you are invasive, you are nosey, you impose yourself on others, you are loud, you follow me everywhere, you are a bludger and you are wearing me down. I've had it!

So, Common Cold, this is how it works, you have until tonight at approximately 6pm to pack your bags and leave. I'm going to have a nap so as not to get in your way but when I awake, I expect to find you gone. I don't want there to be any evidence of your ever having been here.

Here's a list of where I've found your belongings, so you don't leave anything behind:
My eye
My ears
My lungs
My nose
My throat
My head

Once you're done packing, I would appreciate never having to see your face again. I'm sorry things have to end this way but three weeks is just too long man. You've over done it this time.

No, wait, I'm not sorry!

You have got to go!

Sincerely,
Your host,
Mikhaila